Grace

One of my new co-workers told me yesterday that grace is one of the things that she has had to learn to extend to herself.  She is already one of the most grace-filled people I know...her patience, thoughtfulness, honesty, and integrity shine through to make just a beautiful woman that I am blessed to work for.  We also share in the fact that we struggle with chronic illnesses...her battle has been much longer and tougher than mine. 

Yesterday she looked me in the eye while we were working together and just discussing our lives and told me, "Sometimes the only way to get through it is to extend YOURSELF grace.  We extend everyone else grace all day long, but we need to do the same thing to ourself." 

As I sat pondering that the rest of the day, I realized it was true.

So often, I allow others to have a "bad day" when they are not feeling well, but I don't ever want to indulge my thoughts of how I truly feel when I'm beginning to feel sick or am in the middle of a flare-up.  Nope, then it's just "pull up your boot straps" and "get back on the horse" time.

I work past the point where I should--the point where I would tell someone else, "Go home. You need rest."  Nope, I continue to work.  I'm not sure why.  Maybe because our society even praises it, claps and applauds, and yet where does that leave me?  Tired, run down, and perpetually sick.  I'm not even sure I do it for the accolade...just because "that's what you're supposed to do."

When I mess up (lose something, make an error at home or at work, forget something, mess up while driving, when I'm in conversation with someone, when I'm in friendships, when I'm with my family, and hurt my spouse, etc) I just beat myself up over it...and run it through my head over and over and over and over and over and over!!!  I've joked before that the Holy Spirit really doesn't have to do much conviction in my heart...I do it all for him.  (Calm down. I know it's actually Him, but I just know the feeling of conviction all too well and allow it to fester in my heart).  When I mess up, I know it, and I feel the effects of it within my own mind, body, and soul for a looooong time. 

So, I guess I'm going to start working on showing myself grace.  I've already been bought at a really high price.  The battle has been won, and we have victory through Him.  If He can extend me grace through nail-pierced hands, then the least I can do is accept this as an amazing, free gift (rather than just simply overlooking it for myself and continually passing it on to others).