A year ago

A year ago I was in a very different place...mentally, emotionally, physically, health-wise, spiritually, etc.  

Click here to read some of my posts from a year ago:

November 29, 2012 -- what I really wanted for Christmas last year

December 2, 2012 -- babies were everywhere
December 18, 2012 -- on anger
January 14, 2013 -- on waiting

Last year I was aching to be pregnant.  This year I am 30 weeks and very much feeling it!  My womb felt very empty last year, and this year I am very much feeling all these kicks. 

Last year I was seeing babies everywhere, and the holidays made it even more obvious.  It made me angry that I was not pregnant.  Man, the holidays are tough when you have experienced loss (in any form really--a loved one, miscarriage, infertility, or waiting on an adoption, etc)!  This year my heart just aches for those who are hurting.   Wish I could give you a big hug.

In the last year, the Lord has just softened my heart to people's hurting.  God has taught me so much about compassion and empathy through my experiences, and I believe that He has used everything to make me more aware and sensitive to others.  To chip away at my nasty edges that have needed to be smoothed out for a while.  To move me just a little more into His grace and truth. 

(This is not me saying "look how great my life has turned out."  I sincerely hope I do not come across as trite or void of emotion.  That is not my intention).  I guess I am just thankful that the Lord has used my hurts for His greater good. I have learned and grown far more in the valleys that I probably ever will on the mountain tops.

I don't know why I am pregnant, while so many people I know continue to wait for children. I don't get it.  My heart simply longs for a world that is not broken and for all my friends and family to not experience any pain.  I'm so glad this is not our true home.  We were created for so much more.  In the good times and bad, I'm thankful for an eternal perspective.

That's what I am celebrating this Christmas season.
The real baby.  The one in the manger.
May we keep our eyes focused on Him.