top 5 things NOT to say to a person with UC

Disclosure:  Many of you reading this might have said/emailed/thought some of these things.  Rest assured.  That's OK.  I am not holding a grudge or even singling you out in any way, shape, or form.   Here's why:  I KNOW you have my best interest in mind when you talk to me or try to encourage me.  And believe me, sooo many people have played a role in encouraging me through all of this.  I could never say "thank you" enough!!!

However, over the last 5 years, I've become more aware of certain things that I would stay away from saying to a person with UC (or similar things to anyone with a hidden illness for that matter).  What I've learned and am learning is you just don't know where that person is at, so always err on the side of caution, and sometimes, that is silence and more importantly LISTENING--not talking, even if it's a little uncomfortable for you.  

Because honestly I've probably already heard it. 

Without further ado, here is my Top 5 List of Things NOT to say to a person with UC (if you yourself don't have it):
 
5.  What did you do to cause your Ulcerative Colitis? Is it contagious????

No one knows what causes UC and my doctor has told me repeatedly that I did NOT cause this.  It is an auto-immune disease, meaning my body just reacts differently than yours.  Just be thankful you don't have it!  Ha!

Nope, it's not contagious.  I promise.  Matt would have been a goner a looooong time ago! 
 
4.  You don't look sick.  Are you feeling better?

Just because I don't look sick, doesn't mean that I wasn't up all last night going to the bathroom 7 times or that I literally feel like crap.  I'm pretty good at carrying on even when I don't feel well, so I can put on a happy face and you'd never know there was anything wrong.  Besides, most people (at work, at church, at the grocery store, etc) don't want to hear about your constant pooping.  I agree, it would be easier if I had a sign that I could just wear when I'm not feeling well that would let people know I'm having a flare-up.  Maybe I'll look into that.  

I really hate the question "Are you feeling better?" because it enlists/desires/wants a positive answer.  It just gets under my skin.  It feels like you WANT/NEED me to lie and say that I am feeling better, when in reality, I might not be!!!  A better way to word this question (in my opinion) is:  HOW ARE YOU FEELING?  This elicits an honest answer, and allows me the freedom to really give you a true answer.  If you don't want to know at all, don't ask! :)

3.  I know what you're going through.  I had {fill in the blank here:  diarrhea, stomach pains, etc} a couple times.  

Unless you have UC, you have no idea what it's like.  Please don't try to compare it or try to convince me that you "understand" what I'm going through.  Just listen.  Pray for me!  Ask how I'm feeling, and if I give a vague answer, ask clarifying questions.  If I sound like I don't want to talk about it, sorry.  It might just not be a good time, but don't give up.  I'm an open book...I'll talk eventually!!  

Sometimes I am not having a flare-up that is making me sick, so I can't technically say that I feel "sick," but I may be battling the emotional side effects (anxiety and sadness/depression) that accompany a lot of people with Inflammatory Bowel Diseases.

2.  You should avoid tomatoes and fruits that are especially acidic.  I'm sure those cause your stomach to hurt more. And don't exercise too much....that probably just "gets things moving" more than you want them to. 

Seriously.  If this were the case, then my doctor would have sent me home with a list of foods NOT to eat.  You are NOT a doctor, nor are you even a trained specialist in GI issues.  LOL.  Yes, I do have certain foods that can cause a flare-up, but this is NOT a food related illness.  Let me say that again--this is NOT a food-related or food-caused illness.  The illness is the inflammation that is already there when food goes through me.  Sure, some foods go through my colon better than others, but my doctor and I are working on that, and we're all over it.  Thanks for the help though!
 
1.  I think you should {fill in the blank:  go gluten-free, see a ________ specialist, etc}.  That has worked for me, so I'm sure it would work for you. 

I appreciate the help.  Really I do!!!!  BUUUUUUUUUUT, your case is not exactly like mine, so I will probably listen (I might even try what you tell me) but please don't expect me to just JUMP at your idea.  My GI doctor always tells me "If it were that simple, I'd already have you doing that...."  
Simply put--ulcerative colitis is not even the same from one person that has it to another.....but rest assured, I am working with a trained professional (that I really trust and LOOOOOVE) to make a treatment plan specifically designed for me.  I'm in good hands!!!  

If you really want to know how to help me, email my hubby or my mom.  They know me the best and when I am down and/or not feeling well, they know what I want and need at that time (sometimes even better than I do)!!! 

  
Again, I don't mean for any of this to sound rude or hateful!!!!   I'm just telling you all what I'm feeling and what I've learned throughout this looooong, haaaaard process.  My experiences have made me much more sensitive and compassionate towards people because you just never know what they are going through. There are a lot of people hurting out there. You could talk to another person with UC that could feel entirely different from me, but this is a window into my world.