You bring this precious new life home and you instantly have about a million decisions to make. In just 5 minutes, here are the decisions and choices that I could come up with:
1. Will you have a vaginal delivery or C-section?
2. Will you have a home birth, use a birthing center, or deliver at a hospital?
3. Will you use a doctor or a midwife?
4. If delivering vaginally, drugs or no drugs during the delivery?
5. Will you be keeping your baby in your room or sending him/her to the nursery at night?
6. Will you be nursing or using formula?
7. Will you be using cloth diapers or disposable diapers?
8. When you get home, will your baby sleep in your room (in your bed?) or in his/her own room?
9. Will you demand feed or put your baby on a schedule?
10. Will you use a paci or no paci?
11. Will your baby receive vaccinations or no vaccinations?
12. Will you take your baby to the chiropractor or not?
13. What car seat will you use? Chicco? Gracco? Britax?
14. When your baby is older will you make your own baby food or feed him/her store bought food?
15. Will you stay at home with your baby or go back to work?
The list literally goes on and on. Many of these decisions can be made ahead of time. Many are made in the moment, and if you are like me, you'll even change your mind once or twice (or a million times).
The sheer number of decisions is not really the issue. As if that is bad enough. The real issue is that for everyone person that selects one option, someone else will choose the exact opposite. Now I tend to be a pretty black and white person. I like things to be concrete and obvious. I have always tended to believe that if one way is better, than another way must be worse. (I definitely thought this 10 months ago about some of these things). Every decision is just obvious, right?
Well, personal preference does not make anything absolute. It is just that: PERSONAL PREFERENCE. You can have all the research in the world (and believe me I love some good solid facts about which is better) but each situation is different and each person is different. Personal preference is not the same as fact.
The mom-shaming comes into play when we judge someone else for their decision (which is usually different from our own). We decide that they are incorrect. A bad mom for making that decision.
"Why would they choose THAT __________?"
"Why wouldn't they just _____________."
"If your baby isn't sleeping, why don't you just ______________"
Our way is obviously superior. More thought through. More research was done. Duh. I'm right, and they are wrong.
Is it insecurity? Probably. Pride? Probably. And it's everywhere.
All we're doing is perpetuating a culture of comparison and as I've heard it stated before: "comparison is the thief of joy." Instead of creating a culture of community, we are creating barriers and isolating ourselves from one another.
I'm so over it. An added layer is just how hard we can be on ourselves....never mind what the rest of the world is also screaming at us. I can tell you that there are a few choices on that list where I had to make the exact opposite decision that I would have liked to because of reasons that were out of my control. I hated it. Anger. Tears. Frustration. It killed me to make them in the moment, and I am still grieving some of them. BUT my child is ultimately fine. (Even as I am writing this, I feel like throwing my two cents in and adding a blanket statement like: "I do really think some decisions are actually RIGHT while others are WRONG." Ha. There lies the real problem. I'm working on it).
We place way too much emphasis on what WE should be doing as if we are ultimately in control. God is in control and completely sovereign, folks. Let's not place such an emphasis on all of this STUFF that we lose sight of the huge task ahead of us called PARENTING and becoming students of our children so that we can best point them back to God.
Parenting takes a
"Then Jesus came to them and said, 'All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.'” Matthew 28:18-20
And just because a post is never good without a picture, here you go. A few throwback Thursday pictures for you: how was he ever this little??
No comments:
Post a Comment