Why Ulcerative Colitis is Sometimes the Biggest Blessing

“2 Corinthians 4:7-8Living Bible (TLB)

7 But this precious treasure—this light and power that now shine within us[a]—is held in a perishable container, that is, in our weak bodies. Everyone can see that the glorious power within must be from God and is not our own.

8 We are pressed on every side by troubles, but not crushed and broken. We are perplexed because we don’t know why things happen as they do, but we don’t give up and quit.”

The experience of a chronic illness/disease can be pretty defeating. I look around and see so many hurting, so many others going through various storms, and there is so much heartbreak. There is no comparing, as each of our experiences are unique to each of us. All I can do is speak from my experience, so please hear my heart and realize that I know so many are going through devastation and loss that I can’t even fathom. 

My particular disease (ulcerative colitis) tends to deprive my body of nutrients, energy, and rest. Then I go on steroids that give me crazzzzzzzy amounts of mental energy but for me the physical energy lags behind. It can be frustrating to live at TURBO speed in my mind while my body is baaaaaaaaarely keeping up. So please bear with me as my brain is moving so fast and my fingers can’t type fast enough to capture what the Lord has been teaching me. Hopefully by the end my jumbled (and humbled) thoughts will all come together somehow.

Sometimes I read the Bible, and then sometimes it just reads me like the verse above. A friend shared it with me, and it just resonated with me. 

I’ve been reading Hebrews 5 about how Jesus exceeds even the greatest of High Priests. High Priests were responsible for offerings and sacrifices before the Lord and acted as a mediator between God and man. They always had to first offer sacrifices on behalf of themself followed by the sarifices and offerings of the people. Because Jesus walked a perfect life, He can fulfill the atonement fully on our behalf. And we no longer have a mediator. We have direct access because He is the Godman.

The fact that Jesus was (read: IS) the Godman—meaning fully God WHILE fully man—is what makes Him absolutely remarkable to me. He is able to sympathize with us in everrrrrrrrry weakness because he felt all the hardships of humanity—hunger, thirst, unpleasant circumstances, waiting, enduring, etc. But over the past few days God also opened my eyes that if Jesus is fully God and transcends time, that means He is already ahead of me and has already navigated every single experience (both difficult and wonderful)  that I have yet to endure. He has/is literally already in those moments and nothing that gets to me has not already gone through Him. He is there and offering grace upon grace. 

This idea is just amazing to me, because I always think of Jesus as Immanuel—God with us—and I can wrap my brain around his omnipresence now and I can read about His faithful presence throughout Scripture. But He’s already in the future as well going before me, and He is so steady, firm, and faithful. 

The Holy Spirit has been comforting me with the understanding that we have a God that chose to leave the comfort and absolute perfection of heaven to experience humanity— to conquer sin and death on our behalf while we were STILL sinners full of so much selfishness, pride, hate, and just ick. The Gospel is such Good News that we didn’t have to do anything to earn His grace. We can rest.

This is why Hebrews goes on to say that the Word of God is living and active. Jesus literally provides manna day by day in his Word. He knows what we need because He is already preparing our way (running interference on our behalf) for what is to come. He provides exactly what we need for that moment and is already in the future moments preparing for us to commune with him and abide in Him to meet our needs (a lot of which He does in the context of community. Wow. We are just humbled and grateful for all the prayers and encouraegment we are receiving).

Hebrews 13:8 says “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” 

This is why we must anchor ourselves into Him. Because even when everything is spinning out of control, plans are changing, our expectations are not being met, the totally unexpected happens, or our colons are absolutely out of control, He is the same. But we most know that before we enter into the difficult. Because wisdom is having information and then applying it correctly. This disease offers me the position to see my physical (and spiritual) depravity from a wide scope. When you walk through trials and hard times, it’s pretty evident we are not in control. And THAT is the gift. The awareness of our need and dependency that is there all the time, but now we are more and more acutely aware of His full presence and grace. 

And then I saw these wise words from Lysa Terkeurst, who has not only recently experienced heart break in her marriage but has just been diagnosed with breast cancer. Despite her circumstances, her trust and faith in the Lord is anchored and she explains God’s grace so well. Maybe you can relate?

So I’ll leave you with the end of the chapter in 2 Corinthians I began with...

“16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen,since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

And I better include an update:

The antibiotic seems to be helping. I’m still extremely weak, fatigued and nauseous, but I’m hoping with the help of my probiotics, I can balance the antibiotics without perpetuating my flare more. Please pray that I can rest at night. I have had one full night of sleep in the past week and a half, so I need to catch up soon. Thanks all! ❤️